Dimensional Problems
by LittleZbot
Summary: "They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world."


Chapter 1: (Un)Usual

Mario trudged up the dreary stairs leading to Bowser. Bats flew around him, howling cries of doom. He crunched the bones of a fallen Dry Bones as he ascended. Water dripped from the ceiling. There was a peculiar musty odor. The whole setup would be pretty creepy to any normal person.

But Mario was bored.

He had been through this same thing for years now, and it was finally getting tiresome. Storm Castle. Beat Bowser. Rescue Peach. Storm Castle. Beat Bowser. Rescue Peach. Storm Castle. Beat Bowser. Rescue Peach - _over and over again _for five years. Occaisonally Bowser would change tactics and Mario would kind of have a challenge, but not very often. The only time anything was ever _hard_ was when he was fighting someone else, like the Shadow Queen.

In short, Mario had done this all before way too many times. But now wasn't the time for complaining - he had reached the door. Without blinking, he opened it.

"BWAHAHA! Mario! So I see you've come again to rescue your stupid little princess! Well, that won't be happening any time soon!"

Mario didn't bat an eye. "Make this short, Bowser. I've got a doctor appointment at five."

"Fine. BEHOLD!" Bowser pulled a large curtain off of some odd device. "This machine will be your undoing!"

"Looks kind of like a big electric toothbrush. What's it going to do, brush my teeth until they fall out?"

"Hey! I spent a long time making this machine! Well, actually, I bought it, but it was really hard to get it out of the box!"

Mario rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just get that thing started, okay?"

"Sure. Uh, lemme see here, how does this thing work...oh, man. I shouldn't have thrown away the intructions. Uh, let's see...Automatic, Death Ray, Sleep, Power- ah! There we go!"

The Machine whirred to life. It instantly aimed at Mario. Bowser pressed the "Automatic" button, and it started firing lasers. Mario easily dodged every one. The machine wasn't done, though. It had been built to adjust to the target's agility and speed, and it did so. Soon Mario was barely able to keep up with the blasts, and the machine was getting more accurate all the time. It was like it _knew _what Mario was thinking. And whereas Mario was becoming tired, machines don't get tired.

"Yeah! Get him! Get him!" Bowser cheered the machine on.

_Time for a change of tactics._ Mario thought, desperately avoiding the machine. He suddenly somersaulted around, kicked on the wall, and dived toward the machine.

"What? No! Stop!" Bowser shouted at him. Mario decided not to heed his words. As he neared the machine, he brought out his hammer that he'd found while he was inside Bowser, and smashed it down onto the machine.

The device went haywire and began shooting at everything in sight. Bowser ducked for cover. Mario dodged constant fire. _Let's see. What do I have here? _Mario thought while digging through his pockets. A Fire Flower should do the trick. His cap and shirt became white, and his overalls became red. He launched a continuious stream of fireballs at the device, which did nothing. _Looks like it will take some more fire to cook this thng. Good thing that I happen to have a Smash Ball with me._ Mario took out the smash ball and absorbed its power. Then he unleashed it all in one massive fireball explosion. Flames surrounded the machine, but it seemed untouched.

"Bwahaha!" laughed Bowser from behind the couch. "That thing's fireproof! Good luck getting it to burn!"

"I'm not done yet." Mario said. He brought out a Rock Mushroom and used it. Instantly his clothes changed into rock form. he rolled up into a ball and rammed into the machine at full speed. It made several dents, but not much else happened. He backed up, ready for another round, but was shot by the machine. Thanks to his rock uniform, he felt no pain and just lost his Rock Power.

"You won't be doin' ANYTHING to THAT!" Bowser snorted.

"Who made this thing?" Mario mumbled as tried to decide what to use next. Suddenly he spied a buttton on the Machine labeled "Power." That should do it. He walked over and pressed it.

"NO! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Bowser shouted.

"Simply foiling your plan." Mario replied.

"That was the button to turn on the Self-Destruct! This things gonna make an explosion big enough to blow this whole castle sky high!"

"WHAT? WHY WOULD THERE BE A SELF-DESTRUCT?"

"Don't ask me. I bought it, not made it!"

"How do you turn the self-destruct off?"

"You can't!"

"_Self-destruct in 30 seconds._"

"I'm outta here!" Bower shouted. He broke down a nearby wall and ran.

"Wait! Where's Peach?"

Bowser either didn't hear him or just didn't care. Mario looked around frantically, trying to get Peach before the device exploded.

"_Self-destruct in 15 seconds._"

Mario kept looking. Suddenly he felt pain rushing through his body. He fell to his knees and couldn't get up. He looked behind him and saw the machine still firing everywhere. One of the blasts had hit him.

"_Self-destruct in 10 seconds._"

Mario quickly pulled out a mushroom and ate it. The effect, while immediate, was not enough to allow him to move. He hurridely ate another. And another.

"_5...4...3..._"

Mario closed his eyes.

"_2...1...0..._"

It exploded.

Mario felt the wind coming at him. He could taste the heat in the air, and it burned him all over. Slowly his body fell to the floor, his head dropped, and his eyes closed.

_Ping!_


End file.
